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The Storm |
Chapter 9: Post-script
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The Storm |
Chapter 9: Post-script
Sarah terminated her therapy two years post HIV+ diagnosis. She continues to be in good health with a high T cell count. She has not had signs immune system compromise, such as chronic fatigue, weight loss, diarrhea, fever, bacterial and fungal infections. She tested negative for Hepatitis C, which can be a concurrent condition with HIV+. Her work continues at the hot-line and she is beginning to date. She has made good use of her support group for help in learning how to re-engage in intimate relationships. She moved from the all-women's newly diagnosed group to a regular women's group and recently has also joined a coeducational group. She laughs, "the men there are really helping me understand men!"
She still is reluctant to tell her co-workers about her condition, seeing too many repercussions in real life from her friends that have HIV and AIDS. Some of her friends know and some don't. She has realized that the people she doesn't trust enough to tell are not really good friends and she is seeing less and less of them. She also has chosen not to tell the parents of Rebecca's friends, fearing that they would shun Rebecca.
Rebecca's awareness seems limited to her mother's hypervigilance around blood. Sarah noticed Rebecca was putting band-aids on imaginary cuts, then looked down at her own hands and arms. She saw that she herself was wearing five band-aids, on every scratch and mosquito bite. She was happy to learn from her doctor that HIV and AIDS are not transmitted through mosquito bites. Rebecca has asked about all the medicine that Sarah takes, and Sarah said they were "mommy vitamins". Sarah knows that the day will come when she must tell Rebecca and realizes that children generally know a lot more than adults give them credit for knowing. Right now she is waiting for Rebecca's timing, either through her daughter's questions, dreams or play, that she is ready to learn about HIV.
Stan and Sarah continue to co-parent Rebecca, although lately Sarah has distanced herself from Stan. "Sometimes he acts like a father and then I remember why we split up. It's fine for Rebecca. After all, he is her father. But I don't need that, not anymore."
Sarah heard through the 'grapevine' that Sam had moved away. She wishes that she knew for sure he had been tested for HIV. She doesn't know if he, Joe or Alan are HIV+. "It is something I've learned to accept...that I may never know how I got this. My job now is to live the best life I can."
Sarah's parents have come a long way toward accepting their daughter as she is. Paradoxically, it was when her Dad suffered a heart attack that the transformation began. He seemed to realize that he could be as 'blamed' for his heart attack through not exercising, poor diet, stress, etc. as Sarah could be for getting HIV. In fact, he felt he held even more responsibility for his condition than Sarah did. He also felt that when people 'shamed' him, and had the 'I told you so..' attitude, that it did not promote healing. After his experience of his own woundedness, he began to reach out toward Sarah. Three months after his cardiac surgery, both of Sarah's parents came to her to ask her forgiveness.
When I asked Sarah for her permission to share her journey by writing this course, with all identifying material concealed, she enthusiastically agreed.
"Tell them--tell everyone! Use condoms! Get educated! Have your partners take HIV tests before you have sex! Don't share needles! Talk openly to your clients about HIV and AIDS. Educate everyone you know."
"And ask them, the therapists, to really look themselves in the mirror, and ask themselves if they are judging me. And if they would judge me if I was a man, or gay, or a prostitute, or had been shooting drugs. Tell them no healing happens when a person feels judged, and nobody sets out to get HIV or AIDS. Ask them if they judge children for getting measles. I am me, and I have my story, but also I am everyone, every man, every woman, every teenager and every child who has gotten HIV."
"And
tell them that life is made up of many storms, big and small. Getting
diagnosed HIV positive is a really big storm: a hurricane. And I know
that I will have other storms in my life, some big, some small. And if
I get AIDS, that will be another hurricane. But tell them that storms
pass. They always do!"
| I would like to thank Sarah and all the courageous men and women who have touched my heart and taught me about living with HIV and AIDS. This course is dedicated to the memory of Mike Cooke, MFCC |
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