A woman "of a certain age" is often dismayed when she looks in the mirror. The image she sees reflected back can cause pain and humiliation, compounded by no longer being mirrored by the culture.

Sometimes It was hard for me to see the changes in Gabriela's body. I had just come through a rough year physically, in which an accident combined with a new medication had caused me to put on weight. I wanted to scream at the scale and the mirror myself, saying, "This isn't really me! I have a slim waist and no double chin!" And to top it all off, like any witch, I was starting to sprout facial hair. The psyche being at times a trickster, Gabriela had become my mirror and I had become hers. I wanted to urge her to exercise, to diet, to do all the things that I needed to be doing myself.

In "The Snow Queen" by Hans Christian Andersen:

[a] 'very wicked hobgoblin' created a mirror in which every good and pretty thing reflected in it shrank away to almost nothing. On the other hand, every bad and good-for-nothing thing stood out and looked its worst." The mirror shattered, but even the "tiniest grain of glass kept the same power as that possessed by the whole mirror. Some people even got a bit of glass into their hearts, and that was terrible for the heart became like a lump of ice." (Andersen, H.C. , Andersen's Fairy Tales, trans. by Mrs. E.V. Lucas and Mrs. H. B. Pauli, Grosset & Dunlap Publishers, NY Illustrated Junior Library; no year)
 

The average weight of a model is 23% lower than that of an average woman; 20 years ago the differential was only 8%. California Department of Health Services
 
 

In Women, Body and Society. Cross-cultural differences in menopause experiences by Gabriella Berger & Eberhard Wenzel the authors studied differences in menopause cross culturally between Australian and Filipino women.
 

Reports differ but there has been some consensus that up to 80% of women in western societies such as Australia suffer from a myriad of physical and psychological difficulties at menopause (MacLennan, 1988). These include hot flushes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, loss of libido, palpitations, headaches, osteoporosis, depression and irritability (Walsh & Schiff, 1990). Interestingly, women in some non-western cultures appear to be significantly less affected by menopausal ills. For instance, Mayan women from South America (Beyene, 1986) and Rajput women in India (Kaufert, 1982) report no 'symptoms'. According to Lock et al (1988) Japanese women rarely mention hot flushes and the incidence of other problems such as backache and headache is low. It is therefore expected that due to the cross-cultural nature of the sample certain differences are likely to emerge with regard to physical, psychological and socio-cultural menopause experiences...

The social construction of menopause as the entry point to old age represents a challenging and often difficult time, because, while women may feel rather young and full of energy, society tends to perceive them as becoming increasingly less attractive and less fully-functioning. Especially in western societies the time of menopause is characterized by a series of losses (e.g., loss of youth, beauty, fertility, libido, health, hormones, femininity and calcium) and there are suggestions that if possibly impacts on physical and psychological well-being in midlife..

Across both cultures [Australian and Filipino] physical menopause experiences were reported to be quite similar but psychological profiles differed considerably. Roughly one quarter of Australian women found it difficult to come to terms with the aging process and among others listed irritability, depression, fear of aging, loneliness, mood swings, unhappiness and loss of self-esteem, respect and admiration. Among Filipino women a more positive outlook prevailed with almost all of them remarking that they felt only minor if any psychological irritations. This difference in finding can be attributed to the role culture plays in mediating menopause experiences...

The perceived 'loss' of youth and beauty represented a major stumbling block for Australian, but not for Filipino, women. For the former it was important to keep looking youthful and attractive because this was felt to be the harbinger of love, happiness and respect. The 'loss' of fertility represented only a minor preoccupation as most women had lived through the experience of birth, mothering and beyond and they did not wish to extend this role. For women without personal or career interests, however, grown-up children left a gap when they moved out of the parental home. Women often described feeling useless, no longer needed or wanted, not being able to sleep or rest, insecure, depressed, sexually undesirable and not appreciated and valued for their capabilities and wisdom.

The picture was quite the reverse for Filipino women who predominantly spoke of looking forward to the joys of old age. Physical changes brought about by the aging process were more readily accepted, because, while there were some 'losses' there were also certain gains. Drastic measures to preserve youth and beauty (e.g., cosmetic surgery) were not resorted to but lifestyle changes such as taking up light exercise, modifying the diet and a 'mature' dress style were readily adopted. Being older in Filipino society means being loved and respected not only within the hub of the extended family but also by people in general... Next to this women come into their own as the central figure within a family and in their role as mother and grandmother being sought as a source of advice. Getting older was seen as an inevitable part of life and welcomed.
(Please go to http://www.ldb.org/menopaus.htm for the entire article.)

It was if a shard of glass from the evil hobgoblin's mirror had entered Gabriela's heart. Her self hate distorted her vision of herself and obliterated her beauty, both inner and outer.

Alice Miller said that mirroring allows in us the capacity to mourn our own lives. "If a child is lucky enough to grow up with a mirroring mother, who allows herself to be cathected narcissistically, who is at the child's disposal—that is a mother who allows herself to be "made use of" as a function of the child's narcissistic development, as Mahler (1968) says—then a healthy self-feeling can gradually develop in the growing child" (p.32). The mother provides a "reliable framework for emotional checking" (Miller quoting Mahler, p.35) in Miller, Alice. (1981). The Drama of the Gifted Child.  New York: Basic Books, Inc.

Therapy is often about mirroring our clients, which can be problematic if the image we see in our own mirrors is distorted, or we project our own ambivalence about aging onto our clients.

 

Cynthia hates how she looks. She complains about how thin her hair is, how she can't stand her neck, how long and yellow her teeth are. She is dissatisfied with her body, lamenting a waist that she lost more than 50 years ago. Rather than focusing on her appearance, I feel we must name and acknowledge her depression.

Depression in the Elderly
Some people have the mistaken idea that it is normal for the elderly to feel depressed. On the contrary, most older people feel satisfied with their lives. Sometimes, though, when depression develops, it may be dismissed as a normal part of aging. Depression in the elderly, undiagnosed and untreated, causes needless suffering for the family and for the individual who could otherwise live a fruitful life. When he or she does go to the doctor, the symptoms described are usually physical, for the older person is often reluctant to discuss feelings of hopelessness, sadness, loss of interest in normally pleasurable activities, or extremely prolonged grief after a loss.
Recognizing how depressive symptoms in older people are often missed, many health care professionals are learning to identify and treat the underlying depression. They recognize that some symptoms may be side effects of medication the older person is taking for a physical problem, or they may be caused by a co-occurring illness. If a diagnosis of depression is made, treatment with medication and/or psychotherapy will help the depressed person return to a happier, more fulfilling life. Recent research suggests that brief psychotherapy (talk therapies that help a person in day-to-day relationships or in learning to counter the distorted negative thinking that commonly accompanies depression) is effective in reducing symptoms in short-term depression in older persons who are medically ill. Psychotherapy is also useful in older patients who cannot or will not take medication. Efficacy studies show that late-life depression can be treated with psychotherapy. Improved recognition and treatment of depression in late life will make those years more enjoyable and fulfilling for the depressed elderly person, the family, and caretakers. (Source:http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/depression.cfm)

Women at midlife often face a mirror that distorts; that by its nature diminishes and even annihilates them. Surprisingly, without co-existing depressive disorders, this effect can ameliorate with age.
 
 

There are positive aspects of the mirror:

The poet Rumi writes:

Karen Signell wrote:

"...the mirror is generally a symbol of self-reflection, self-knowledge and truth - separate from surroundings. It represents the wisdom born of contemplation more than the wisdom that comes out of activity. It reflects an introverted sense of yourself, which you know by self-scrutiny more than you do by deeds - who you are, not what you do."
Wisdom of the Heart: Working with Women's Dreams

Robert Graves wrote in The White Goddess:

The conventional figure of the mermaid—a beautiful woman with a round mirror, a golden comb and a fish-tail-- expresses "The love-goddess rises from the sea.'....The round mirror, to match the comb, may be some bygone artist's mistaken substitute for the quince, which Marian (Robin Hood's maid Marian) always held in her hand as a love-gift; but the mirror did also form part of the sacred furniture of the Mysteries, and probably stood for 'know thyself'. The comb was originally a plectrum for plucking lyre-strings. The Greeks called her Aphrodite ('risen from sea-foam') and used the tunny, sturgeon, scallop and periwinkle, all sacred to her, as aphrodisiacs. Her most famous temples were built by the sea-side, so it is easy to understand her symbolic fishtail....

Botticelli's Birth of Venus (for a larger image of this painting)"

 

Tall, golden haired, blue-eyed, pale faced, the Love-goddess arrives in her scallop-shell at the myrtle-grove, and Earth, in a flowery robe, hastens to wrap her in a scarlet gold-fringed mantle..." (p439) from Aphrodite in Ancient Greek Art A Discussion by Frederick John Kluth of Kent, Ohio http://junior.apk.net/~fjk/aphro.html

The positive pole of the mermaid's mirror seems to be in its reflective ability. Mermaids are creatures of the sea, which is ruled by the lunar influences. Moonlight is a reflection of the sun, lighting up the dark night. So can self-knowledge, self-reflection light up the darkness of an unconsciously lived life. Mermaids bridge the human and the animal, and connect us to ancient wisdom. The mermaid has the capacity to love, like Aphrodite, and to swim the depths of her own inner being. She navigates in the realm of the unconscious with her fish tail, and brings it to consciousness in her human half. She is Eros combined with self-reflection.

A mirror is used in Japanese mythology to woo Amaterasu, the Japanese Sun Goddess out of a rock cave and back to earth, ending perpetual night, when the world was full of evil.

In Japanese culture, the mirror represents Truth and is one of the Three Treasures. The other two treasures are the sword (Courage and Strength) and the jewel (Compassion). All three treasures can be found in the Amaterasu myth. The mirror is used symbolically by many other cultures as well. It can represent truth, wisdom, self-knowledge, and self-realization, but it can also also simply symbolize the qualities of the person in the mirror: good, bad, wise, or ignorant.
http://www.lyricalworks.com/stories/amaterasu/amaterasu.htm
 

Chapter 4 

The Witch and the Queen
 

Introduction
 

Table of contents

 

To order

www.psychceu.com

e-mail us!

Frequently Asked Questions

888-777-3773